Holidays are hard and I for one, have a need to please my family. Not just my children but, my siblings and parents. My parents tend to go with the flow, cross their fingers and hope for the best. I should follow suit but, something inside drives me to want or, need to make all these people happy by; disguising my short comings with good cheese, lots of wine, in a clean house, dressed with those big Christmas lights from the 70's. Our town itself looks as if Christmas puked on it, so why not follow through.
Today, I'm happy for being single. I can deal with a passive aggressive form of Christmas. I have grown to love it over the past 37 years and why stop now? I can even deal with trying to use the texting grapevine, to figure out when the Mysterious Clan of In-laws is going to randomly stop by. Adding another person's set of feelings to the holidays, is a lot of pressure. What if she has kids and in-laws? I try and want to date but, being emotionally clear two weeks out, lets off a ton of pressure. It also allows me to reserve all of my cheer for my kids and immediate family.
This all being said, I have a date on Monday and couldn't be happier about it. It's a date and not an instaship. Future blog,"Dating with the potential!!!" explaining my thought of dating as a full time father of three. When her expectations of me being a normal human go out the window and thinking I need a woman to be whole. I assure you, I'm as happy as I can be or, will be, for the time being:)
Back to the matter at hand: Feelings at Christmas and why single is easier. There is going to be an awkward interaction at some point. The person I had trusted and thought would be there forever and always will have a moment or try. If you do not have this issue as an ex, good for you. My Ex-wife however, is an emotional rollercoaster and feels the true guilt of leaving her family. It really hits home around the special occasions of the year. I can't subject that pressure on someone else, at least not yet and not over the holidays. I'd be happy to introduce a person who truly makes me happy to the crazies in my life. The key would be that. Whether or not that person makes me happy. Otherwise, why spread the holiday weirdness? Single is easier and this year was no different than last. Self defense set in and I cleaned emotional house just before Thanksgiving.
Yep, I'll be playing it by ear and only caring about one schedule, my kids and making sure it's memorable for them. After all, this might be the last time they are my only concern. This one last time, I'll pretend nothing is bothering me, invite anyone who is out, in and offer good cheese and wine. Please, treat my kids and I as one unit because, we will always stand this way. I will always do my best for them and that just might mean eventually, inviting someone else in.